TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN4

The gospel according to St. Sense
Mara ihe this 2020, that is all I can say
Don't be unfortunate please🙏

TAKE EVERY TALE...🤷‍♀️

Hanty, shey you know that that thing ọ na-agwaị i ji apịa ntị n'anị, na ọ bụrọ sọị ka ọ na-agwịa? Don't look at me laidat! Ihe m na-ekwu doro m anya.

Ọ gwagokwa m ya, ka m gwakwaị; and I was still wondering what it was about me,  a total stranger, that made him spill his guts at me that fast, when I heard a familiar voice telling the same line of tale. I looked and it was him, dishing out the same saga to this lady, and the other, the other, and then you. Then I realized that it's a pattern: he tells this tale of woe to every ear that cares to listen, especially the féminine ones. Maybe that's his own way of dealing with the hurt that he's 'supposedly' going through but that is not why I'm here...

It is a sign of ill omen that someone who meets you for the first time tries to win your affection by trying to get you to sympathize with them: poor victims in their well-scripted woebegone tales of crashed and burnt relationships. Okay, maybe you think that there's something about you that make people let you in on their secrets and you just might be right. But is that the same thing about her, and her, and the other her? Girl, you should be very scared! 

No one is ever convicted when they judge their own case. Ma mụ, ma gị, ma mmadụ. Therefore, take every tale with a pinch of salt. In fact, there are some outright outrageous ones that you need to take with a whole sachet of Uncle Palm Maka ndụ gị. Just saying...

Nah, I'm not just saying. Listen to me carefully! Until you hear the other party's side of the story  do not believe everything they tell you. Listen if you have to. Actually, the art of listening is a very important virtue, so listen very attentively if you've got time and pay careful attention to every detail. Most when you do, you'll find two or more that don't add up... But even when they all seem to add up and you have to get fully into the listener character and drop all the:

"Ah-ah!" 

"Oh my God!" 

"Oh no she didn't!" 

"What's wrong with her?" 

"Why would she do that?" 

at intervals cos it won't really seem like you're following the story without those, be very sure that that is where your seeming belief ends. And if you're sure you have strength for the beef that might ensue, by all means, school his blackmailing ass! Don't go and start harboring nonsense in your heart for a person whose name you only heard in a frigging tale!! 

Igbo nna m sị na onye ma ihe anaghị agwọ ofe. And one of the dumbest instances of ịgwọ ofe bụ gịnwa iburu mmadụ ị na-amarọ, ị na-afụnubeghị, gị na ya na-emekọnubeghị ihe iwe n'obi maka na e nyere ya role 'osochiegbu' n'akụkọ ị nụrụ. Hanty biko mal'ife na ị togo. 

Ị ma na agwọ otu onye hụrụ na-aghọ eke? Give it time!! So he managed to assign the role of the angel to himself as naturally he's wont to and you swallow everything hook line and sinker because? Come on now, that's like filling in Pete Edochie as a Nigerian minister in a 2005 current affairs question because he played a similar role in a movie that you watched. Eh Hanty? Ọọ mgbe e ji sensị gị ṅụọ garri ka ị ga-amatazị ife?? 

Onye nọrụka, ọ fụrụka. Until I ruo ebe nwaanyị ibe gị ruu, fụ ife ọ fụụ, adịla ngwa ịma ya ikpe based on ihe ị nụrụ n'akụkọ. Take every tale with a pinch of salt, maka na onye a na-agbara ama ọ na-egori, onye a na-ebo ebubo ọ kwetala? 

Ka ọ ragodu m nọọfụ biko

Ka m kwufọ nke m ga-ekwu echi

Daalụkwanụ🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN3

Haya pals😉😘😍

Okay, someone very close to me inspired this post. I'm tired of preaching mefulness to her so I came to vent on here. If you feel attacked, please do the needful. Stop being unfortunate please🙏ejọọ🙏🙏mbok🙏🙏🙏 

Wallow in self love and end your misery. Do it now!! It is very mkpacious!!! 

LIVE FREE WHEN YOU'RE ALIVE

When you hear people say stuff about you and you go out of your way, sacrifice who you are, assume a miserable existence, and spend the rest of your self-induced woebegone life trying to explain how smart it was of you to make the miserable decision to live in perpetual self denial because of what they said in order to prove them wrong, then maybe what they said about you was just about right; the whole truth and nothing but the truth...

So why don't you just get up and shake off this misery that you've so immersed yourself in, own this truth with the fullness of your chest, and stop being unfortunate? 

What are you afraid of? Eh?? 

So they said that you're suffering from acute sendlessness (for instance) and you know it's the truth about you and you used to be okay with it o, but because they said it with such disapproving tone, you change and become a ferocious face seeker, a pitiable people pleaser, and an ass licker most lowly; when you're supposed to own your sickness and only use the hospital when you and you alone start to feel uncomfortable on its account??? Ekenekwaa m gị! 

If you like, don't be very me-ful of yourself henceforth, you hear? Sacrifice your entire life trying to please insatiable parasitic humans who do not care about you, who do NOT and have NEVER done anything selfless for you, and whose opinions shouldn't even count in the first place; until your dying day when they'll quickly drop you in the most despicable manner and move the hell on to the very next available host...

If you like, spend the remaining days of the year trying to please every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Enekwana onwe gị anya this year, ị nụ? Taba afụfụ ụwa! I just dey look you anya anya. Ọ gbasaadị m sef🙄🙄🙄

CRUSH💞CHRONICLES💞V

Welcome aboard Lovelies🤗
Happy new year!
How's your 2020 going?

Well, apart from January holding sad memories of my great loss😭, I'm doing okay.

On this day five years ago, fam, I lost the crush of my life to the cold hands of death. I can't seem to get over it people: the death and all the would-have-beens that come with it...

What can I say? Remain in peaceful rest my darling, till we meet...

MY FIRST CRUSH

Mụụ Mụụ m😘😍💞

My very first man crush was a dashing young man!

First I set my eyes on him, something twisted in me that I'd never felt before. I loved everything about him: complexion, height, voice, smile, frown, every damn thing! Then he pulled his shirt and I knew that this love is unbreakable! I was drawn to this glorious sight like a sheep to the pasture and all I wanted to do was lay me down there... But would my screen let me? I was always on set in my dreams: no tape rolling, no standing by, just me, him, action, action, and more action... Then I'd wake up to the sad reality that I was still an infant in her father's house, yet to write common entrance exams. Mtcheeew! I was totally in love! I always found myself buying/hiring movies that has him on the poster, or if I see a trailer and he's as much as featured, then the movie is a must watch!! Growing up in an environment that wasn't exactly friendly to this course didn't deter me. I couldn't wait to grow up and join Nollywood!!! 

My man was anyanwụ ụtụtụ in complexion, the gods of height dealt him six blows (or so I thought). His voice was soothingly sonorous and deeply dangerous; his smile was mischievously mesmerizing, and when he frowned, the whole world stood and scared for a while; the whole wide world but me: we were a team and anybody he was up against was an enemy, including my dearly beloved Pete (almighty Odumoodu😂)

I was hardly a decade yr old baby but I found myself wondering what the color of Genevieve's problem was exactly that made her keep going back to Emeka Ike and rupturing my Bobo's heart... I liked Lilian Bach cos she took care of my Gold's heart afterwards. I envied Benita one moment and fumed at her the next for being a fair weather girlfriend to my Bobo, somehow I knew that in her shoes, I'd never leave my sexy pasture for anything in the world; I liked Maureen Silver cos she took care of him afterwards... 

I was confident that if I met him in real life, that he'd like me too. Of course my infant mind never imagined there'd be any waxing cold for the love that brimmed so hot in my heart for him. Whatever the case, I couldn't wait to get to that bridge! 

Suddenly, I wanted to be like Ini, Chioma, Stephanie, and all the rest of them if only to share physical space with this awesome creature. 

I never really got over this crush, though we can say that the intensity reduced. Cos his mates as we knew them in bachelorhood started getting married and that was a major wake-up call for me:

"So etu a ka m ga-esi nọrọ laidis Mụụ Mụụ m anụọ nwaanyị? Chai!! Ọ ga-ewutekwa m o mana... Anyway, Chai, nnaa eh!!!" 

It frustrated me for his sake that I was still a minor. Then I resolved: "M ga-agụrịrị diọkpara m Mụnachi!" And I wasn't even kidding!! Mụna my love. Ka m nụkwa na nnwa m a azarọ afa ahụ. The reason why if your name is Mụna you're rest assured that I'd NEVER forget your name, even if we're not on talking terms, the reason I turn like it's my name that was called at every mention of Mụna just to know who bears the name, and the reason I cherish this lil shakara boy in my neighborhood a lot. I call him "Mụụ Loove" and his head swells, he doesn't even know that his charm is in his name...  

Even when he went and did what I don't know with my hair and got a head like Rock's, I forgave him and prayed for his repentance. But repentance walked slow and death overtook it. That's how 2015 started on a really dark note cos I lost my cute crush to the cold hands of death that fateful 18th of January😭

It's been five years fam! And I'm still hurting...😭😭

Continue to rest in absolute peace Mụnaana, till we meet to part no more...😭😭😭

WOMB ESCAPE SERIES💃!💃!💃!

What's up Lovelies🤗? 

How's your December going?? 

It's my bornday anniversary y'all!!! 

This one is for me. A gift to myself on my birthday💃

Now the "She" in this write-up may or may not have anything to do with me but one thing is certain:👇

I WANNA BE MORE LIKE HER

I even sight her reminiscing the moments🤗

She calls her flings
And knows her keeps
Her eyes have got no tear
She wakes not in the wee hours
To cry he abused me
She's not afraid to accept
That the efing was mutual
I even sight her reminiscing the moments...
🤔😘😍🤗🤩

I'd like to say a word in her behalf:
"These kids make me laugh😂🤣😂"

How dyu solve a problem like naiveté?
How dyu want to pin him down with sex?
How dyu feel lesser while he feels super?
You mutually agreed
To pull through the deed
You cow🤦‍♀️!

Many a thing she knows she has to tell them
Many a thing they ought to understand
But how to make them stay
And listen to what she says
How to reorient the oriented
Oh how dyu solve a problem like naiveté?
How do you whine "abused" when you partook🤷‍♀️?

CRUSH💞CHRONICLES💞IV

Haya pals💕! 

Remember me🤗?? 

My fellow ladies, 

They say that men are moved by what they see and we totally agree. Then they tell us that we are moved by what we hear...🙄 Not that I have any problem with that or anything, but why they have to make it look like it's their birth right and theirs only to be moved by what they see and anormal for a lady to do same is what I don't understand. Because deep down I know that I speak your minds when I say that there are times when we see and 'moved' becomes an understatement. We are overcum...😉

Long story short, I beheld the HIM in this write-up and I was overcum. If I don't share this glorious experience with y'all, wetin I gain kwanụ? 🤷‍♀️

WHEN I FIRST SAW HIM

First I set my eyes on him
I was completely exhausted
I was feeling in my gut
The pangs of excruciating hunger
And I was totally pissed because
Instead of settling the attacking worms
I had to wait to be settled
At the modern day shrine
Even the money
That I had to grudgingly part with
Was taking too long to process
You know that type of hunger where
Even pressing your phone
Seems to take so much energy?
I was almost crying
Shivering
I sat quietly looking down
And when you're this hungry
Even sleep deserts you...

Minutes became hours
Jeez!
What am I doing here??
God forbid bad thing!!!
If I don't get out of here this minute
I won't like my story
With that I took one last look at the counter
And there he was!

It was just a hind view
But all the beauty of the world
Rolled into one figure
And stood before my hungry eyes
How could they refuse🤷‍♀️?

And those eyes did feast
The Olivers in them Twisted
They wanted some more
"We have to see the front!" they said
I stood in obedience
And dragged me to the counter

Is that circulookery system at work?
Cos my eyes were feeding
And the attacking worms stopped
The pangs disappeared
My heart gladdened
Even the sun seemed to change its mind about setting
Cos the day suddenly seemed so much brighter
Now I see
What ELECTROCUTE means
Because in that ELECtric moment
I was inTROduced
To the face of the word 'CUTEness'
My soul revived
My strength renewed
My mouth started moving
"What on earth is taking so long?
I've been here for ages!!"
"It's almost done
Any moment now"
And boom!
My stuff was ready!!
Where have you been sunshine☀️?
Even the delaying network
Seems to rejuvenate at your beam🌞

He was with someone
But till this day
I have not the slightest idea
What that guy looks like
Cos I beheld him
And every other view
Seemed to fizzle away in his wake...

Same mission brought him to the shrine
Or so it seemed
Well if time didn't tell
Who would🤷‍♀️?
And for the very first time
The idea of going on this mission
Seemed lovely afterall

I walked slowly to bide my time
Cos when you stumble on a rare delicacy
And it is so damn free
You take in as much if it as possible
For you don't know when next if next...

I left that miserable shrine
After him of course
Hairies first
But not without the memory
Of that elegant moment...

Yea I left that shrine
But I never left it
Or should I say I go there everyday
Cos I relive that moment always
I think of when I first saw him
And the Canon that is my memory
Plays it all back...

And time did tell
We were on the same mission afterall
Different drives though
But same mission...

So the food became much less rare
But NEVER less delish
Tastier everyday in fact...

And these eyes devour
And that with utmost relish
They can't get enough
More! More!! More!!!

If feasting on him weren't a free activity
I (my eyes)'d be broke by now
Friends would turn foes
Cos they'd lend  n lend n tire of lending
Foes would be at my neck
Cos I'd borrow n borrow n never grow weary...

Yes it is that big a deal
Cos this big show's so sold out
That I gotta make it to the front row
It's soul entertainment baby!
Every! Moment!! Counts!!!